I want to move. I want to spend the day outside with the glorious Florida spring soaking up the rays of sun before I leave for Pennsylvania. I want to lift the heavy things with my partner. I want to set up my slackline next to my hammock and casually move between the two as I watch the sun trace a path across the sky.
Continue reading “On necessary atrophy (or 8 days to Step One)”
Has it already been a week since finals? I’m writing this on Christmas morning with a fresh cup of coffee and not much on the agenda.
Continue reading “On Christmas (or winter break in Jacksonville)”
Course Six, what a rollercoaster. The end of 2016 has brought about challenges and opportunities for growth in my academics, athletics, and personal life.
Continue reading “On a well-deserved break (or Course Six: a post-mortem)”
Course Five ended on Thursday, with the NBME final. I failed the first exam and passed the next two. Still awaiting results on that final.
Continue reading “On decompressing and readjusting (or Course Five: a post-mortem)”
If we are what we do repeatedly, then I am a mover, a writer, and a student.
For a while, I told myself that I would cut my hair to express mourning. I liked the idea of physically showing inner turmoil after the death of a family member, an outside change to reflect the inside like the ancient Greeks or Prince Zuko. Removing choice from the equation felt simpler: if someone dies, then I cut my hair. No decision to be made and no discussion or feedback to elicit.
Continue reading “On cut hair (or a meditation on identity)”
The highlight of the past year has been you, Mackenzi, and I want to put into written word the reasons why. I will fall short and I will look back on this letter with regret for phrases I could have added or words that I would excise. Regardless, I will bring a dictionary to the world of feelings and love.
Continue reading “On a fledgling romance (or an open love letter to my partner)”
On Thursday, I experienced my first arm-bar: a submission technique where the elbow is cranked open into hyper-extension with the power of an opponent’s hips. While sparring earlier in the week with a different partner, I had been put into the position, but they did not apply pressure, did not force me to tap out of discomfort and panic. This partner did and I am truly grateful for that experience.
Continue reading “On getting my groove back (or returning to my practices)”
In a silly act of defiance for the sake of defiance, I decided to present my Summer Immersion research project while barefoot. Having looked at the syllabus thoroughly, I knew that professional dress was a minor, but notable component of my grade for the project and presentation: meaning I would not earn a failing grade for the stunt, just the ire of the SELECT administration.
While in NH a few weeks back, I met up with a CrossFit athlete and coach, Joey Vachon. He had recently competed in the East Regional, a feeder competition for the CrossFit Games, the highest level of measurement for the Sport of Fitness. It had been a few weeks since his debut at Regionals and I used this as an excuse to talk about him, rather than myself, while we caught up and ate burritos at Chipotle.
Continue reading “On catching up again and again (or the calm before the MS2 storm)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
I woke up in the morning around 730a, and felt like moving. On the drive over to the campsite, I had indulged in some gas station pizza and a donut and Pringles, to keep me awake and fed while I drove through the food desert of Missouri, especially at night. Feeling groggy and slow, I knew that moving would reinvigorate me.
Continue reading “On the road, from MO to FL (or summer travels: Part Ten)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
I woke up around 7a. The toilet worked well and without incident, thankfully, and I edited together my podcast with Par S for On Death while preparing coffee upstairs. Again, no one on the land except myself and the animals. Every time I went up, I triggered the Overly Alert Dog Alarm system and at least two pups would run up to me, crushing the silence.
Continue reading “On the road, from CO to MO (or summer travels: Part Nine)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
We woke up around 9a, making some jasmine tea in Ian’s quonset with his electric kettle to avoid the big morning rush of bodies to the COBS common kitchen. We talked and planned our day, as I’d be leaving the following morning since he had to leave for an overnight photography assignment around 8a.
Continue reading “On the road, in CO (or summer travels: Part Eight)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
Right now, I’m technically writing this on Saturday, at about 3a. I’m settling in and can’t quite wind down yet, still very jacked up on mountain dew from the sprint/marathon to Colorado, from LA and through Utah.
Continue reading “On the road, from CA to CO (or summer travels: Part Seven)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
During which time, I lost my driving partner, gained a fiancee, met her family, and said goodbye.
Continue reading “On the road, in CA (or summer travels: Part Six)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
We awoke around 9a, my partner before I so she began the coffee process in Mark’s kitchen, which was delightfully furnished. Stainless steel knives were suspended magnetically above the countertop, the gas range was sturdy and seemed cast-iron, and as she brewed, I tidied up a bit around the room.
Continue reading “On the road, in CA (or summer travels: Part Five)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
Up in the early, cool morning, everything is a bit stiff but refreshed to be sleeping out in the tent again. That morning Utah mountain air is something else. My partner made coffee, I packed up camp, and we headed out to our final westward leg to Los Angeles.
Continue reading “On the road, from UT to CA (or summer travels: Part Four)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
It’s 430a and we are settled into the hotel just outside of Denver, our mad dash to the mountains completed— never really stepped foot onto Kansas, but I’ll explore these flat plains some other time.
Continue reading “On the road, from CO to UT (or summer travels: Part Three)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
The next morning, my partner and I woke up to birds chirping, woodpeckers tapping, and crows cawing. We had picked a spot away from others but quite near the water front— the Kentucky Lake was just a few yards from our zipper door.
Continue reading “On the road, from KY to KS (or summer travels: Part Two)”
What follows is a lightly edited and mostly stream-of-consciousness travel log of my journey from Florida to California and back again.
Yesterday my partner and I drove from JAX to ATL, about a six hour journey, through some side roads and away from the highly populated areas. This was awesome in that we got lovely rolling hills, small amounts of traffic, and a relaxing driving experience— but this also meant we were without cell service! Something we’d need to get used to on this journey 🙂
Continue reading “On the road, from FL to KY (or summer travels: Part One)”
I’m quite spent.
Continue reading “On quiet endings (or First Year: a post-mortem)”
Three exams down, I’m sitting here waiting for Monday and preparing for Wednesday. Tomorrow, cumulative final exam scores will be posted and I’ll find out if I have passed Course Four, or if I’ve failed and required to remediate over the upcoming summer.
Continue reading “On the transition from spring to summer (or Course Four: a post-mortem)”
Experienced tight-ropers, whether slackers or wire-walkers, know that the last three steps are the most dangerous. Once you have a certain level of technical proficiency, then walking a long line is merely a matter of sustained attention and focus.
Continue reading “On the last three steps (or maintaining discipline as MS1 ends)”
Friday night. I see the posts on facebook: peers are out on the town, burning the club down.
Saturday morning. I watch the stories on snapchat: friends on adventures without me.
And I’m alone, sweating in an empty Korean spa, writing and reading until I fall asleep.
How do you learn to teach? How do you teach to learn?
Continue reading “On teaching a panda Kung Fu (or the dilemma of a medical education)”
“Frost.”
“Ohhh… I’m sorry. You’re up, Mackenzi.”
“Kim.”
“…”
And then the lecture hall went nuts.
Continue reading “On an abortion debate (or the benefits of controlled stress on a relationship)”
I am a zebra; chunky, awkwardly proportioned, and highly visible. I am not a cheetah.
Continue reading “On being a zebra, not a cheetah (or failing most of medical school)”
Rearranging gratification allows me to feel awesome now about a thing that I’ll be doing later.
There are two basic skills in slacklining: getting on the line and falling off the line.
Horses can teach you a lot. As prey AND pack animals, they are incredibly attuned to body language and vocal tonality. A patient, my peers, and myself have all learned something unique from our time with these creatures.
Continue reading “On horses and equine-assisted self exploration”
Usually, as I post one #LongFormSundays post, I already have the next percolating— this week, nothing.
Continue reading “On writer’s block (or Course Three: a post-mortem)”
What is a 5′ long x 1″ diameter PVC pipe to you?
I am a student, coach, and writer.
Before I die, I want love to outweigh fear.
When I die, I want to return to nature and the collective consciousness.
After I die, I want the experiments of technology, civilization, mammals, and life to flourish sustainably.
Continue reading “On Death (or: Life, as told through four prompts)”
Back in undergrad, a friend told me a story about nuclear power plants.
Continue reading “On positive and negative alarms (or a meditation on hourglasses and tattoos)”
All throughout Tampa and St. Petersburg this weekend, the streets are filled with pirates.
I see dead resolutions.
Continue reading “On setting goals and the practice of goal-setting”
My father spent about a year in an orphanage while growing up in post-war Korea. Continue reading “On a cut foot (or an interview with my dad)”
Interviewing in January for USF
1/26/15
Looking good because of Alyssa and her cutting skills, feeling loose because of Brianne’s magic touch, and feeling great because my mom is looking out for me!
First interview, best interview!
With some time behind me, I can now look back on neuro block and feel an honest bit of job-well-done, despite barely passing.
Continue reading “On meta-learning, sharp axes, and flashcards (or Course Two: a post-mortem)”
25-year old male presents to orthopedic sports specialist to image and diagnose a three-year history of R wrist pain upon flexion. No pathological findings upon MRI scan and review. Continue reading “On being a patient (as told in three health care interactions)”
I heard the term during orientation, but didn’t stop to ask what it meant until the second week of classes.
It starts with a small idea: these posts begin with a title.
Continue reading “On my writing process (or why reflections help me survive and thrive)”
It’s an odd thing to know I am worth less than zero dollars.
Most of the time, my meat-suit is pretty happy with me.
Continue reading “On tweaked necks and meat-suits (or a meditation on the physical body)”
Navigating love, relationships, and dating requires presence, honesty, time, and optimism– rare commodities for an MS1.
Looking back, I have met my peers twice.
Continue reading “On the plasticity of personality (or the magnifying effects of stress)”
I find myself feeling guilty for utilizing the resources of others. I feel like a leecher.
I had a dream. Now, that dream is dead.
Continue reading “On the death of goals and mourning dreams”
Fall break broke a lot. A 10mo routine of posting M&MWOD posts, half a year of following a specific weightlifting program, and my meditation habit.
Continue reading “On deloading during fall break (or vacations from discipline)”
I want to die deep in the woods. Alone, naked, and calm.
Continue reading “On death and study breaks (or keeping perspective through the grind)”
I failed the second exam of medical school.
Continue reading “On Shame and data points (or treating failure as an act, not an identity)”
Without intending to, I’ve attained “that guy” status in med school. It’s hard to contain my love for float tanks, yoga, and mindfulness. I’ve spent so much of my life repressing my weirdness that now it blooms with excess vigor. Some folks dig it, some folks don’t; once I accept that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, then I can start to build my tribe.
Continue reading “On finding your tribe (or being ‘that guy’ and accepting dislike)”
Three days before my first medical school exam, I spiraled into a whirlwind of doubt and anxiety while leaving a movie theater. “You are bad at this, why are you studying material that you don’t care about? You know this is only the first test, right? If you are losing your cool now, how can you survive the next year, let alone residency?” The negative self-talk grew in volume and in strength: seeing a movie, a simple study break, turned into a near melt-down as the credits rolled and test anxiety sunk in around me.
Continue reading “On sober Eugene (or embracing the minimum effective dose and test anxiety)”
A white coat should not stay white and a black belt should not stay black. For a physician and a martial artist, the ceremonial receipt of one’s white coat or black belt represents the crossing of a threshold. Within both traditions, the status symbol marks a beginning, not an end. Things will be forever different on the other side of that doorway, but rarely in the ways expected.
His name is Harold. Not Harry. Harold.
In some ways, I will know him better than anyone else knew him. In other ways, in the most meaningful ways, I will know nothing about him.
Continue reading “On it (and distancing language from death and the dead)”
Experientially, no substitute exists for getting caught with your pants (or in my case, shorts) down. Being singled out, especially while underprepared and running late, is a perfect recipe for anxiety and late night ruminations. It can also provide much needed perspective and clarity if dosed appropriately. This is my most recent experience with that bitter pill.
Eugene H Kim 