On a birth day (or baby chronicles: Part Four)

Published on December 2, 2018December 6, 2018 by Eugene H Kim8 Comments

The following comes from a text message group, utilized to keep loved ones updated on the Labor & Delivery of our first child. Commentary is found in italics.

November 25, 2018
0827a – 7th hr of labor

Hello! I made this group text to keep those close to us informed about baby and the labor. We believe that she has begun labor as of about 1a this morning. Please be kind to the others in this group and keep your responses to a minimum! I will keep you abreast of updates as we experience them!! Love you all, keep our growing family in your thoughts please.

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On the third trimester (or baby chronicles: Part Three)

Published on November 25, 2018November 25, 2018 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

August 15, 2018
25weeks 6days gestation

It’s funny to me that he already wakes up Mackenzi with his wriggling and writhing in her belly. When she gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, this startles baby awake and he dances and explores his little area. I have trouble even sensing him most of the time, but he’s already so interactive with Mackenzi.

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On a letter from past self and to future self, once again

Published on November 18, 2018November 22, 2018 by Eugene H Kim2 Comments

Dear Past Eugene,

There is no way to prepare for the changes that you face ahead. The path to now, Current Eugene, is long and circuitous. You write “no two dogs, just a cat and an Andre.” Now, we have one dog, no Andre, and a baby on the way.

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On the second trimester (or baby chronicles: Part Two)

Published on August 5, 2018August 5, 2018 by Eugene H Kim4 Comments

May 11, 2018
12weeks 1day gestation

We’re out. People know. I get to tell preceptors in open settings that Mackenzi is pregnant. And I get to see their reactions.

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On the other side again (or 6 days since Step Two)

Published on July 29, 2018July 29, 2018 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

I have thought about the relaxation over the past week since the long day of testing. Yes, there has been so much decompression from the final sprint of third year. Each day of release has me feeling more like myself and less like the anxious and wound-up Eugene that finished Prologue.

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On the taper (or 1 day to Step Two)

Published on July 22, 2018 by Eugene H Kim4 Comments

This past week, the almost-end-of-the-grind, has been challenging. I am rounding off my rough edges and filling in the not-very-fun gaps in my knowledge. Lots of flashcards and questions. Trying to stay mentally fresh with frequent short breaks and lots of silliness with Mackenzi.

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On doubt and interruptions (or 8 days to Step Two)

Published on July 15, 2018 by Eugene H Kim4 Comments

Practice test on Monday went well. Felt the fatigue as the sixth and seventh hours continued and this reflected in the scores. Test-taking will be as important as test-knowledge.

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On a return to the grind (or 15 days to Step Two)

Published on July 8, 2018 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

This week with Mackenzi, baby, Honey, and Nala has been wonderful. Two humans with two dogs. Both are stinky and very needy, they walk at very different paces, and both love to gnaw on bully sticks. Most importantly, they both love to snuggle.

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On the first trimester (or baby chronicles: Part One)

Published on May 6, 2018May 6, 2018 by Eugene H Kim9 Comments

March 21, 2018
4weeks 5days gestation

We found out on Wednesday, the second week of the Surgical Clerkship. Mackenzi took a urine pregnancy test the day before, but the results were inconclusive. I felt like I knew the weekend prior that she was with child. I didn’t tell her, though.

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On Death revisited, again

Published on March 26, 2018 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

This past December, I put On Death on hiatus. The interview series, released every other week, had been going strong since inception in March 2016. Originally every week, I extended the releases to every other week to better balance the medical student with the interviewer.

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On a wintery spring break (or how I met Honey)

Published on March 11, 2018 by Eugene H Kim12 Comments

Spring break, the week-long gap between my Women’s Health/Peds and Surgery clerkships, comes to an end today. We had far more snow than we expected, given the springy weather of the previous weeks. Winter in its final throes, I’m sure.

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On Death, revisited

Published on October 29, 2017January 29, 2018 by Eugene H Kim10 Comments

A few weeks ago, on my first hunt and while waiting for Mike to finish setting up a tree stand, Nic asked me, “Why do you make the podcast?” He was curious, thinking there to be a master plan behind the madness.

I responded, “To make it.”

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On a letter from past self and to future self

Published on October 23, 2017January 29, 2018 by Eugene H Kim10 Comments

Dear Past Eugene,

Reading your message gave me more strength than I had anticipated. The past few weeks have been challenging in ways I could not have predicted. I recall reading the letter about two weeks ago, after an anxious morning and a feeling of overall dread. It had been quite some time since my last brush with anxiety and panic.

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On holes of the heart (or ode to a garbage cat)

Published on September 17, 2017September 21, 2017 by Eugene H Kim8 Comments

I met Frank on the day I moved to Coopersburg. He ambled down the staircase, through the door, and into a bush. Back then, he was lumpy and gross and more resembled a tumbleweed than a Persian cat.

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Nic Werbeckes On Death

Published on September 15, 2017September 21, 2017 by Eugene H Kim12 Comments

Nic Werbeckes! Nic is a 26yo fourth year medical student, recovering Catholic, and thinker. I met Nic when he presented on mindfulness during my first year orientation and I’ve been quietly waiting to interview him since the inception of this podcast. He does not disappoint! During this heady conversation, we discuss the dance between chaos and order, the importance of harmony, and the impact of his grandfather’s death.

I hope you enjoy! 🙂

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On a tale of eight data points (or Step One: a post-mortem)

Published on July 2, 2017July 2, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

20170203 – CBSE – 178
20170401 – CBSSA Form 16 – 175
20170409 – CBSSA Form 15 – 203
20170412 – CBSE – 205
20170416 – CBSSA Form 18 – 192
20170422 – CBSSA Form 17– 205

UWorld 56% (cumulative correct)

20170519 – Step One – 209

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On the other side (or 2 days since Step One)

Published on May 22, 2017May 25, 2017 by Eugene H Kim13 Comments

On Thursday, I slept in Philadelphia with my partner at a small Airbnb near the testing center. On Friday, we sat for Step One and drove home to Coopersburg in a post-test daze. On Saturday, we started our morning to gunfire, a wounded man, and chaos.

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On the final stretch (or 5 days to Step One)

Published on May 14, 2017May 14, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

I feel ready. I feel tired. I feel excited.

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On the move (or 12 days to Step One)

Published on May 7, 2017May 7, 2017 by Eugene H Kim12 Comments

Thursday, Friday

(April 27 – 28)

Packing up the apartment. The beginning of the moving process. I forget how the first 50% of packing equals only 20% of the total amount of work involved.

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On a goodbye to Tampa (or 11 days to Step One)

Published on May 1, 2017May 7, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

Thank you for the growth.
I’m sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye.
I love you for opening up to me.
Forgive me for underestimating you.

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On delaying the inevitable (or 18 days to Step One)

Published on April 23, 2017May 7, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

The new moon is Wednesday and I planned to sit for Step One on Tuesday. Instead, a rough practice exam last weekend shook my confidence and forced re-evaluation. Step is coming, but am I ready?

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On necessary atrophy (or 8 days to Step One)

Published on April 17, 2017April 17, 2017 by Eugene H Kim7 Comments

I want to move. I want to spend the day outside with the glorious Florida spring soaking up the rays of sun before I leave for Pennsylvania. I want to lift the heavy things with my partner. I want to set up my slackline next to my hammock and casually move between the two as I watch the sun trace a path across the sky.

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On bitter pills (or 15 days to Step One)

Published on April 10, 2017April 10, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

I don’t wanna. I know I need to, but I don’t wanna.

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On time dilation (or 22 days to Step One)

Published on April 2, 2017April 2, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

I find it hard to believe that I’ve been studying for two weeks. Time seems to move differently during Step Prep. Day after day, each morning I wake up to my alarm, my partner makes coffee, and it feels the same. The morning fugue before I orient myself to the study tasks ahead.

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On Wim Hof and Chill (or 29 days to Step One)

Published on March 26, 2017March 26, 2017 by Eugene H Kim13 Comments

7a Wake up: make coffee, poop, stretch, water plants.
9a Begin studying: read a chapter from review texts and complete a block of practice questions.
2p Movement break. Eat food afterwards.
5p Resume studying: more question blocks and review the results.
9p Watch TV and eat.
10p Wind down and lights out.
11p Body in bed and sleep.

Rinse and repeat for twenty-nine more days.

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On the change of seasons (or Course Seven: a post-mortem)

Published on March 19, 2017March 19, 2017 by Eugene H Kim8 Comments

Tomorrow is the Vernal Equinox, the moment when day and night balance each other out, the mark of winter’s end and the start of spring. Florida has been expressing spring rebirth for some time with almost every tree pushing out new growth. Up north, in my childhood home of NH or the future home of PA, I know that snows have been freshly laid and the spring renewal is weeks, if not months, away.

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On happiness and appreciation

Published on March 12, 2017March 12, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

I’m happy.

Florida spring is here: the live oaks are shedding their tired and pale dark green leaves from the previous year and sprouting vibrant emerald replacements. Pollen coats my car. The longer days and more powerful sun darkens my skin. My little green plant babies grow in earnest, reaching for the sky and drinking deeply every morning.

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On a maternal grandfather

Published on March 5, 2017March 5, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

I see death in three flavors, like an inevitable Neapolitan ice cream: someone close and loved, someone estranged or complicated, and someone distant. This is a story about someone distant.

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On a minor concussion

Published on February 19, 2017February 19, 2017 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

27yo male presents 5days post-fall with occipital contact on semi-padded surface and no loss of consciousness.

Waking up on Saturday, I felt a little groggy. Not sure if it was the ice cream binge of black cherry talenti, or the late night of studying combined with a low pressure system rolling through the morning, or the mild brain trauma of Monday finally showing itself.

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On relaxing for long-term gains (or the perspective of competition)

Published on February 12, 2017February 12, 2017 by Eugene H Kim11 Comments

It’s been a week since my first grappling competition. A week until C7T2, the next exam for the final block of medical school. The afterglow of adrenaline has fully faded and I’m back in the world: attending lectures, writing my reflections, returning to jiu-jitsu classes, recording interviews, and grinding for Step.

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On game day (or my first Jiu-Jitsu competition)

Published on February 5, 2017February 5, 2017 by Eugene H Kim13 Comments

D(-5) Day
20170130/Monday

Exam went well. Early morning and some tough questions, but overall felt prepared and that my studying was effective.

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On lobsters and uncomfortable messages

Published on January 29, 2017 by Eugene H Kim9 Comments

While struggling with the new pressures of second year, a friend sent me a video about lobsters and growth. If you are struggling or feeling pressured, I highly recommend the 90sec story. The message of discomfort as a signal for growth has stuck with me. Now, in the final block of second year with a test tomorrow and on the road to Step, I finally feel like I’ve grown into a new shell.

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On a tree a day

Published on January 22, 2017January 29, 2017 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

Monday

Southern Live Oak

Walking outside my apartment with fresh eyes, I realized that this practice would be two-fold: for my eyes and for my limbs. My eyes are drawn to exciting trees with high ledges and interesting branches. Unfortunately, at this stage in my monkey-ing about, my eyes serve up a meal larger than my limbs can process. For these trees near my apartment, well-manicured live oaks with strong limbs at least four feet off the ground, the difficulty seems to lie in the first move. I think to myself, ‘If only I could get to that first branch!’ while grabbing hold of a crook here and placing my bare foot there and ineffectively throwing my weight into the air.

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On ramps (or merging into the traffic of responsibilities)

Published on January 15, 2017January 15, 2017 by Eugene H Kim7 Comments

The past week has been a slow acceleration into the final Course of second year. All week, I’ve told folks that I’m treating it as an on-ramp; not quite at merging speed though I’m getting there.

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On a New Year (or winter break in Yuba City)

Published on January 8, 2017January 8, 2017 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

After leaving the warmth of a Florida winter, with a quick layover in Minneapolis, we arrived in Northern California on the 28th. Yuba City, which is north of Sacramento (or ‘Sac’ as the natives say), is less a city and more a collection of orchards and rice paddies with some low buildings sprinkled in. My partner’s family lives in a small ranch home nestled between rows and rows of pruned trees waiting out the cold. Here, we enjoyed the second half of winter break with deliciously cold showers, slow wifi, and lots of comfort food.

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On 2016 (as told through weekly reflections)

Published on January 1, 2017 by Eugene H Kim7 Comments

Looking back on a solar cycle through weekly reflections is an incredibly satisfying practice. With hindsight on my side, I can easily identify the ecstatic highs and emotional lows, as well as how they both seemed to last forever. Categorizing the posts into distinct groups (love, medical school, physical practices, travel logs, and misc musings), I can quantify the emotions over the past year. Continue reading “On 2016 (as told through weekly reflections)” →

On Christmas (or winter break in Jacksonville)

Published on December 26, 2016December 29, 2016 by Eugene H Kim4 Comments

Has it already been a week since finals? I’m writing this on Christmas morning with a fresh cup of coffee and not much on the agenda.

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On a well-deserved break (or Course Six: a post-mortem)

Published on December 19, 2016December 19, 2016 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

Course Six, what a rollercoaster. The end of 2016 has brought about challenges and opportunities for growth in my academics, athletics, and personal life.

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On practicing while hurt

Published on December 11, 2016December 29, 2016 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

I woke up Wednesday morning with an ornery elbow and without my partner.

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On the end of a long month

Published on December 4, 2016 by Eugene H Kim7 Comments

November 2016 is finally in the rear-view mirror. It’s been a long and challenging month, but with the solstice ahead and winter break only two weeks away, I can revel in the fact that the grind will pause. So here’s a stream-of-consciousness reflection.

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On Thanksgiving break

Published on November 27, 2016November 27, 2016 by Eugene H Kim5 Comments

A few days off classes and four days with family does wonders for the psyche.

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On giving thanks

Published on November 20, 2016November 20, 2016 by Eugene H Kim8 Comments

I’m thankful for the challenges of the past year, from the academic to the personal. I’m thankful for my health, without which I would be nothing. I’m thankful for endings, for they help define beginnings.

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On Starcraft and Jiu-Jitsu

Published on November 6, 2016 by Eugene H Kim10 Comments

I’ve been playing Starcraft again. A few games a day, short and aggressive study breaks to keep my mind active before I dive back into powerpoints and flashcards. I feel more engaged than scrolling through Facebook, passively consuming clickbait content.

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On a letter to future self

Published on October 23, 2016October 23, 2016 by Eugene H Kim9 Comments

Dear Future Eugene,

I hope this finds you well. I know you normally don’t read your posts after they go up, but I hope you remember to look back on this one. Let’s say October 2017? You’ll be up in Lehigh Valley, knee deep into third year and your clinical clerkships. Maybe internal medicine, or you got surgery early. Hopefully, you are adapting well to the increased rigors.

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On fall break

Published on October 9, 2016October 9, 2016 by Eugene H Kim6 Comments

A bulleted recap of my week between Course Five and Six:

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On decompressing and readjusting (or Course Five: a post-mortem)

Published on October 2, 2016 by Eugene H Kim7 Comments

Course Five ended on Thursday, with the NBME final. I failed the first exam and passed the next two. Still awaiting results on that final.

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On a writer that doesn’t read

Published on September 25, 2016 by Eugene H Kim7 Comments

If we are what we do repeatedly, then I am a mover, a writer, and a student.

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On cut hair (or a meditation on identity)

Published on September 11, 2016September 15, 2016 by Eugene H Kim9 Comments

For a while, I told myself that I would cut my hair to express mourning. I liked the idea of physically showing inner turmoil after the death of a family member, an outside change to reflect the inside like the ancient Greeks or Prince Zuko. Removing choice from the equation felt simpler: if someone dies, then I cut my hair. No decision to be made and no discussion or feedback to elicit.

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On a fledgling romance (or an open love letter to my partner)

Published on August 21, 2016July 8, 2018 by Eugene H Kim18 Comments

The highlight of the past year has been you, Mackenzi, and I want to put into written word the reasons why. I will fall short and I will look back on this letter with regret for phrases I could have added or words that I would excise. Regardless, I will bring a dictionary to the world of feelings and love.

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On getting my groove back (or returning to my practices)

Published on August 14, 2016July 8, 2018 by Eugene H Kim11 Comments

On Thursday, I experienced my first arm-bar: a submission technique where the elbow is cranked open into hyper-extension with the power of an opponent’s hips. While sparring earlier in the week with a different partner, I had been put into the position, but they did not apply pressure, did not force me to tap out of discomfort and panic. This partner did and I am truly grateful for that experience.

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On pushing the boundaries and crossing the line (or a slice of humble pie as second year begins)

Published on August 7, 2016August 7, 2016 by Eugene H Kim10 Comments

In a silly act of defiance for the sake of defiance, I decided to present my Summer Immersion research project while barefoot. Having looked at the syllabus thoroughly, I knew that professional dress was a minor, but notable component of my grade for the project and presentation: meaning I would not earn a failing grade for the stunt, just the ire of the SELECT administration.

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On catching up again and again (or the calm before the MS2 storm)

Published on July 31, 2016July 31, 2016 by Eugene H Kim8 Comments

While in NH a few weeks back, I met up with a CrossFit athlete and coach, Joey Vachon. He had recently competed in the East Regional, a feeder competition for the CrossFit Games, the highest level of measurement for the Sport of Fitness. It had been a few weeks since his debut at Regionals and I used this as an excuse to talk about him, rather than myself, while we caught up and ate burritos at Chipotle.

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