On a return to the grind (or 15 days to Step Two)

This week with Mackenzi, baby, Honey, and Nala has been wonderful. Two humans with two dogs. Both are stinky and very needy, they walk at very different paces, and both love to gnaw on bully sticks. Most importantly, they both love to snuggle.

We wake up, one of us lets the pooches out to potty while the other gets the water going for coffee or tea, depending on the flavor of the day. Then, we take care of our own biological needs for another half hour before settling down for about thirty minutes of morning yoga on YouTube. Once we are fully awake, then we attend to the task of studying around 10a.

We grind and grind and break for lunch around 2. Then we grind some more and call it off around 6, getting a solid day’s work. We watch television as a mindless wind-down and as background noise to dinner preparation.

Eat, stretch, relax, and go to bed. A good rhythm. I will miss these days in the not-too-distant future. Whether because of baby or because of residency.

I think both.

The days spent at home studying and relaxing have been so good to me. I feel like I am undoing much of the stress from the past few weeks. I break through in layers, each time feeling more myself and then realizing I have another hardened surface to crack open. We hang out with dogs, work on practice questions, and eat food together. A lovely period of decompression, even though we are studying for a board exam.

It helps that we feel prepared for Step2CK. We feel like we’ll pass easily, unlike Step One a year ago. Far less pressure and a greater sense that we’re on the right path.

Looking back at my reflections during the Step One grind, I smile. The similar feelings, the different place in my life. I’ve grown so much since the move to Coopersburg, since Step One, since the shooting, since Frank the garbage cat.

I’m so thankful for this respite. I haven’t felt this connected to Mackenzi and baby since the ultrasound. I’m looking forward to the 20wk ultrasound this Tuesday.

Life is weird.

I’m glad that I get to wander through with love around me.

Long Form Sundays

On Death Podcast

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